Day 65: Remember The Time... I Should Dye My Hair Blonde To Match My Brains (This One Time)

Remember the time I felt like a complete idiot in front of my really smart colleagues?

We were at a bar in Logan Square this past Tuesday, and there was a lull in the conversation between my colleagues Brian and Mike that I only listened to because it included the words "existentialism" and "Kierkegaard" (hey, I work at an encyclopedia company).

I then chose that opportunity to (very seriously, unfortunately) ask the following question regarding a sign I have seen around town, which was reprinted on cards sitting around the bar:

"So what I don't understand is why I have to choose between a dog and wearing socks to be a true Chicagoan?"

To which my (very cool and very good-natured, thankfully) colleague Mike replied, "Um, Erika, they're saying you have to choose between the Cubs and White Socks."

"Oh, well, that makes sense," I replied, burning with embarrassment then laughing it off. "Maybe the library should have had a better artist."

Yeah, that's it. It's totally anything other than I'm a complete idiot. Luckily in spite of this, my colleagues still want to hang out with me again. I'll just smile and nod during the "did fish truly evolve from tetrapods?" debate.

Day 64: If I Ruled Lichtenstein...

My mile-long walk to work is a long one. But it seems much, much shorter when I have my purple headphones plugged into my iPhone listening to the Lady Gaga station on Pandora.

I've had several hours-long mundane projects at work that require little more than being awake to get them done. And sometimes that's hard - especially right after lunch. But putting one of my purple earbuds in one of my ears and jamming to my favorites list on Grooveshark makes even the most boring tasks fly by.

Therefore, if I ruled Lichtenstein, everyone will be able to listen to music at work if they choose to do so and if it doesn't interfere with their job. They wouldn't be able to listen to music while at the cash register taking orders, for example, but could if they were in the back making the burgers.

Besides making the day much more bearable, it would be a huge boost in morale and all-around good feelings.

Day 63: What did Batman Say To Robin... About Tuesday Morning - The Place, Not the Date and Time

What is this place and why did they give it this name? 

My Partner In Crime weighs in: T.G.I.Fridays, Red Lobster, Uno’s, Applebee’s, Ruby Tuesday’s. What do all of these things have in common? They’re all franchise restaurants. There are tons more, but you get the point. The point is that there are tons of them. With so much competition and so much of the same food, how do you tell one from the other? 

Market researchers at Ruby Tuesday’s asked this same question. They wanted to set themselves apart from the competition. They tried a number of experiments. Failed ideas were some of the following:

·    

• A car wash/Tuesday’s (turned out to be a wash out *nyuck nyuck nyuck)
•  An internet café/Tuesday’s (it turns out, geeks can’t watch porn and rub one out in public while eating mozzarella sticks and chicken wings with the other hand.)
• A truck stop/Tuesday’s (no glory holes)

The list is pretty hefty, but these were the notables as you can see.

The researches saw that since breakfast was the most important meal of the day and received the highest votes from stoners/hung over crowds, the answer seemed apparent, an all breakfast Ruby Tuesday’s. The problem now was, do they change the entire theme or do they make breakfast available all day adding pressure to the kitchen? Again, as stated in a previous entry, “Some of the most complex questions have the simplest of answers.”

The answer was to open up a sister restaurant under the Tuesday’s name. Tuesday Mornings; the all breakfast, all the time restaurant. Enter music, fireworks and scantily clad dancing girls with too many daddy issues to bare.

*Note - contrary to popular belief Tuesday Mornings is, in fact, not the place where we go to think of questions for Tuesday posts. But how cool would it be to have an entire building dedicated for that one purpose.

My response: I saw this place and was immediately intreguied. It's commonly known that Tuesday is the lamest day of the week. Nothing ever happens on Tuesday, so when I saw this place, I assumed it was a magical place from Happyland that sat next to a gumdrop house on Lollypop Lane. In my mind, Tuesday Morning is a fantastic restaurant with amazing bite-sized finger foods. It's one where you can  meet with friends on a Tuesday morning to enjoy each other's company and redeem Tuesdays from its status as the armpit of all the weekdays.

With this picture in mind, I pulled up to Tuesday morning and breezed in to see... well... nothing. Absolutely nothing but a pair of escalators.

Curious, I started down the escalator and entered a huge concrete room warehouse full of housewares, toys, and gifts. And the prices definitely were cheaper, although I went on a Saturday, and not on the first Tuesday of the month in the morning, which is when they have big events to celebrate their namesake.

I was definitely surprised at how wrong I was, and not at all pleasantly so because the quaint restaurant that I imagined was so pleasant.

So what is this place and why did they give it this name? A Ruby Tuesdays-owned breakfast restaurant where you can meet with friends to make a crappy day of the week a little better.

Or a warehouse for cheap housewares.

Day 62: Never Have I Ever... Tried To Feel Comfortable Naked in Front of Women

Crap. I forgot to grab a towel. Now what do I do? I thought to myself, as the cool water from one of the gym showers pounded into my shoulders. I don't want to put my sweaty clothes back on now that I just took a shower, and I can't just walk out there naked.

Yeah, I'm one of those people. Never have I ever been naked in the gym locker room. I have no problem with other women walking around in the buff (and yeah, I admit it, I look. There's no harm in comparison shopping.) unless they're a colleague, in which case I feel a bit weird, but not uncomfortable.

So after peeking around the corner to make sure the coast was clear, I sprinted out past the rest of the showers to grab a towel, but not before a very pregnant lady got a great view of me nude and dripping wet.

Come on, Erika! It's normal and totally acceptable to walk around the locker room naked! I told myself. While women don't typically do this (normally, they dress in halves. If they are changing their top, they have pants on and vice versa) no one thinks it's weird if they do.

OK, you can do this, I thought to myself. It's the human body; it's fine; it's OK. Here goes.

After spinning the dial on my locker, I glanced around and made sure no one was in the locker room and then dropped my towel. I found myself tugging on my underwear with urgency, however, when I heard the door open and knew someone was about to come in the locker room. Unfortunately I was trying to put them on sideways, and then inside out, so I didn't get close to getting them in place before a woman cruised by me without even a glance.

Well that wasn't so bad, I thought as I finished getting dressed at a normal pace. Probably won't do this again though. What can I say? I'm modest.

Day 61: Shakespeare's High School Poetry... On Sisters.. SISTERS!

An ode is a poem on an occasion or particular subject that's typically dignified and more serious than other forms of poetry. There are several versions of what the rhyme scheme for an ode should be, but in respect to this form, I'm going to give it one and write an ode to my sister, who I've been thinking about a lot recently because her birthday is coming up and I miss her.

Ode To My Sister

You couldn't pronounce my name
While you were learning how to talk
So you called me A-E-Kah
Even before you could walk.

Then when you got older
You became my exact clone.
You followed me like a bad private detective
And "borrowed" everything I own.

Battling over my makeup or clothes
Divided more than our relationship.
The masking tape down the center of our room
Solidified this earthquake-like rift.

I have never been so thankful
That our fights were a juvenile phase.
Only lasting as long as we were running
Through that crazy adolescent maze.

Though we missed the opportunity
To be friends when we were young
My love for you Brittany
Will never, ever be undone.

Day 60: A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Words...

Gah! The dang cat brought a severed foot into the house! Someone's missing some toes!

Last week's cliche: At The End Of The Day

Day 59: Stop. Focus. Click... On Ridiculousness

Welcome to this post that I’m going to call “Ridiculous”. I have gathered some pieces that completely fit into this category, and would like to share:

The very first telephone call was placed in 1876. Nearly 100 years later, the cordless phone was invented, and then introduced with the cellular phone to the consumer market in the 1980s – more than a decade later.

And it only took us a little over 20 years to go backwards 120 years from amazing portable cell phone technology to chained-to-the-phone-in-one-spot primitive technology.

The iPhone Desktop Handset costs $60, and allows you to turn your iPhone “into a more comfortable desktop handset phone.” How is this more convenient, especially with the invention of a New York City taxi driver’s best friend, the Bluetooth headset?!?!

Ridiculous.

Speaking of cabs, everyone who sits in the backseat of this cab will automatically be charged a “fuel surcharge” of $1, regardless of where you want to be taken.

“CALL 311 FOR COMPLIMENTS OR COMPLAINTS”. Seriously? Who is going to call to give a compliment?

“Finally! I don’t have a car because I live in the city and rely on public transportation, but am thankful that I don’t have to miss paying for gas,” one caller may say.

“It’s about time taxis keep up with airlines and charge for not only getting into the cab, and for each quarter of a mile driven, but in the case of Chicago, for any extra people that get in with you and now gas,” another caller may add. “I can’t wait until they start charging me per bag I take in the cab with me or how bad the weather is.”

Ridiculous.

Wow, these chips are a Great Value! No one will notice the bag is virtually empty with these chip photos on the front! They'll think they're buying actual food, which is how they can afford to charge $1.99 for it! What a steal!

Ridiculous.