Day 89: Shakespeare's High School Poetry... On Scrapping Poetry

When I've had to tolerate a coffee table in my home, I've always made sure that my "Found" books were prominently displayed mostly because they're awesome. These are books entirely made up of notes, pictures, doodles, and other scraps of paper that people have found in random places that give a glimpse into other people's lives.

A Found Poem is similar to the Found book in that it uses language from non-poetic contexts and turns it into poetry. It's like a collage put together with scraps.

Inspiration can come from anywhere, including horoscopes, bulletin boards, instruction books, graffiti, dictionaries, grocery lists, spam e-mails, etc.

For this poem, I walked in every room of my apartment and jotted down whatever words my eye happened to spot. The words came from a coupon for Starbucks, an empty can of Dr. Pepper, a box of spoons, the description for The Hamptons Diet Cookbook and the recipe I had it open to, a letter from an insurance company, a picture frame, a bottle of mouthwash, the covers of Fortune and Glamour magazines, a financial book, and a pair of shoes I just bought, and was surprised at how easy it was to come up with a great poem.

Day 88: A Picture is Worth 1,000 Words... On Intimidation

If I were that Indian, I'd be running too.

Last week's cliche: Let He Who Has Not Sinned Cast the First Stone

Day 87: Stop. Focus. Click... On Summer Days

The company I work for knows that sometimes its employees stay late or come in early or skip lunch. It's part of the job, and I'm more than willing to do that when it's warranted. 

But my company also believes in keeping its employees happy and rewarding them for such sacrifices. So they instituted "Summer Days" in which every employee can take off one workday in each of June, July, and August because theoretically they worked an extra 15 minutes here, an hour there, etc., which adds up to one full workday.

I took my last summer day today with lofty goals to have time to things like pick up the dry cleaning, make doctor/vet appointments, clean, etc.

And while I did cross off an item or two on my list, Chloe and I spent the day pretty much like this watching chick flicks:

I'm pretty sure that's what Summer Days are truly for.

Day 86: Remember the Time... I've Been Told I'm a Good Cook, but I Wouldn't Know Much of the Time

I like to cook. This is definitely not true during the week, but on weekends, I like putting together good meals.


I think this is mostly because during the week, I'd be cooking for myself and just don't find it satisfying to spend time in the kitchen trying new recipes for myself. I like cooking for other people.

When I had my own apartment, I'd love having my parents over for dinner so I could cook for them for a change. But I'd generally make meals that I'd also enjoy eating so we could sit down and eat together.

Remember the time that I lately often find myself not eating the meals that I cook? This will be especially apparent this weekend, as I'm planning the meals I'm cooking for Brent's birthday and notice that they all revolve around foods I hate, which unfortunately happen to be his favorites: salmon, mushrooms, and onions.

One side dish is strictly made of onions, shiitake mushrooms, and Gorgonzola, which any fork of mine would not dare go anywhere near. Another is an Asian-inspired salmon dish, so I guess I could prepare some chicken to go with it for me, but it's just easier to follow one recipe and be done with it. I want to make him meals he'll love, even if I have to eat a Lean Pocket that takes two minutes to make after spending hours in the kitchen. It's for his birthday. And I guess I actually like Lean Pockets.

Day 85: If I Ruled Lichtenstein... Constructive Criticism Would be Graciously Appreciated

"Honey, that outfit makes you look an 85-year-old librarian who should have retired 20 years ago. You should swap out that sweater with a sleeveless, billowy silver top; then the skirt would work."

"Your behind is hanging out of the bottom of those shorts, sweetheart. Try a pair a few inches longer and they'll accentuate your ass instead of actually showing it."

"Those shoes absolutely do not match your outfit. A bronze pair of strappy sandals would look fantastic, though!"


Last week I looked down at myself at work and wondered whether I had dressed myself in the dark. Sure, I didn't put the entire outfit on before I left the house because of the heat, but I should have realized that a brown skirt, tan shirt, gray sweater, bronze shoes, hot pink toenails, and orange fingernails did not so much match as they together looked ridiculous.


The day before, I had changed my outfit at the last second because I was told that it worked... for the sole reason that I work at an encyclopedia company and someone thought I was going for the stuffy librarian look. 


I used to have my sister to give me complete honesty on my outfits, and then help me fix it from her own closet. And whenever my cousins, Gillian and Alexis, are around, they are fantastic sounding boards. When it comes to fashion, I desperately need it. I just don't get why fashion is fashion, which is why I own mostly solid-colored pieces that undoubtedly match. Usually. But the times I have my family at my disposal are few and far between, so they will of course all move to Lichtenstein immediately.


In the meantime, it is against the law to let a fashion disaster run wild in Lichtenstein. When you see a woman wearing a tight tube top with no bra, causing her large breasts to sag and rest atop her exposed stomach hanging over too-short jean shorts (yes, I saw this on my way to work this week), it is your responsibility to go over to her and tell her not only why her outfit doesn't work, but what's needed to improve it. In this case, a good bra would have done wonders when paired with a good-fitting shirt and elongated shorts.


It's hard to take constructive criticism, but the people of Lichtenstein would be used to it, and wouldn't get angry over it. They'd take it like it's meant to be - constructive - and use it to improve their look. This way, you can take some risks and see if it meets the fashion seal of approval (because it's also encouraged to freely give people donning great outfits compliments).


Because let's be honest - letting that woman walk by me without saying a word should have been a crime.

Day 84: What Did Batman Say To Robin... About Not-Quite-Super Powers

Holy just missed the cut Batman!

This week's question is quite interesting, and fits into the whole "Batman and Robin" theme quite well.

The Justice League is a group of super heroes that fight crime. What five super heroes just missed the cut because their super powers were just a little bit too whack?

The league obviously consists of superheroes with super strength, flying abilities, and invisibility powers. But of course not every superhero has a supercool strength, and there had to be some cuts. 

The first one cut was The Tripper. While his power to trip people if they come in his vicinity can be hilarious, it's rarely effective at giving anything more than a few bumps and bruises.

Next is Stormer. This super hero can conjure up rain and thunderstorms at will. Though it may look quite threatening, Stormer can't control the actual storms. Therefore, he sometimes gets lucky when lightening actually strikes a bad guy, but generally speaking, pelting rain is nothing more than annoying.

The third one cut is Tree Man. Unlike the famous shapeshifter Mystique, Tree Man has the ability to shift his shape into any species of tree. He can morph into a tall Oak if his cat spots a dog or an apple tree if a friend is famished. While this particular skill can be extremely useful when a large group needs to hide at a moment's notice - or when trying out for a role in The Wizard of Oz - it's not as useful a skill anytime indoors.

The fourth one cut was Emoticonness. Unlike mortal women, this one takes emotions to the extremes. At the drop of a hat, she can conjure any emotion. She can make herself happy by conjuring up endorphins or conjure adrenaline in preparation for battle. But the liability surrounding Emoticonness was just too risky for the Justice League.

The fifth and final superhero who just missed the cut by the skin of his funny bone was The Jester. He was in the running in the first place because of the nepotism of his uncles - The Joker and The Riddler. Like his family members, The Jester has no actual superpower, but does have the uncanny ability to make up a lame joke in nearly ever situation. When peeling grapes, he mentions the fact that he thinks the task is "just 'grape' and quite a-peeling." While amusing for about five minutes, The Joker and The Riddler are more useful because they spend more time coming up with clever schemes instead of mediocre (at best) quip.

Unfortunately, the cuts had to be made, so the world will have to do without a tripper, a storm conqueror, tree shape-shifter, an emotional woman, and a jester.

Day 83: Never Have I Ever... Thought I Liked Diet Pepsi

"Ugh. They only sell Diet Pepsi. Let's go somewhere where I can get a Diet Coke," I said to my colleague, Mike, after volleyball last week while we were killing time at the train station. "These places act like they're the same thing, but they're so different."

"You sure about that?" he asked me.

"Of course! I can always tell," I retorted. "If you gave me 10 cups of either Coke or Pepsi, I'll be able to tell you which ones are which."

"I'll bet you you can't," Mike said, reminding me of what he calls the "Meller Theorem" which states: The degree of post-fact whining about living up to bet duties is directly proportional to the degree of pre-bet smack talk. "Let's do it. Right now."

"You're on," I said. "If I win, you have to watch The Notebook and get a passing score on a test I make up to ensure that you watch it or else you have to watch it again."

"Ugh, that would be the worst," he said. "I can't lose this bet."

After deciding that the most annoying thing for me would not be being forced to watch or listen to something, but to fetch an item at will, we popped into the 7-11 to get a bottle of Diet Pepsi, a bottle of Diet Coke, Saltines, and two paper coffee cups and grabbed a table in the food court at the train station.

We first established the rules: Mike was to hand me a paper cup of either Coke or Pepsi while my eyes were closed, and I would then smell and sip it. I'd then tell him which beverage I thought it was, and he'd record my answer on a piece of paper with no feedback. Between sips, I had to swish water in my mouth and eat a Saltine to cleanse my palate. To win, I had to get 10 out of 10. Piece of cake.

Mike hands me the first cup, and I smell it.

"Ugh, I can already tell what this is by the smell," I said, sipping and confidently proclaiming "Diet Pepsi."

"OK," Mike said, and I triumphantly munched on a cracker. "Well... do you want to continue? You already lost."

"You're kidding," I sputtered, shooting bits of cracker out of my mouth. "That was Diet Coke?!?!"

"I couldn't have asked for a better outcome," Mike said, laughing.

"Let's keep going. I can do 9 out of 10," I said.

So we went through the test, and I ended up with... 5 out of 10. I didn't even beat chance.

"Don't beat yourself up," Mike said, seeing my disappointment. "I've read studies [of course he has. He's a researcher at an encyclopedia company] and even people with good palates find blind taste tests difficult."

"I really thought I could do this!" I said, lamenting the fact that Mike now has two fetches I owe him. "Well, if we did this with Dr. Pepper, I'm sure I'll be able to tell the difference between that and anything!"

"Yeah, I'm sure you would," he said, wryly. "The Meller Theorem never lies."