"Honey, that outfit makes you look an 85-year-old librarian who should have retired 20 years ago. You should swap out that sweater with a sleeveless, billowy silver top; then the skirt would work."
"Your behind is hanging out of the bottom of those shorts, sweetheart. Try a pair a few inches longer and they'll accentuate your ass instead of actually showing it."
"Those shoes absolutely do not match your outfit. A bronze pair of strappy sandals would look fantastic, though!"
Last week I looked down at myself at work and wondered whether I had dressed myself in the dark. Sure, I didn't put the entire outfit on before I left the house because of the heat, but I should have realized that a brown skirt, tan shirt, gray sweater, bronze shoes, hot pink toenails, and orange fingernails did not so much match as they together looked ridiculous.
The day before, I had changed my outfit at the last second because I was told that it worked... for the sole reason that I work at an encyclopedia company and someone thought I was going for the stuffy librarian look.
I used to have my sister to give me complete honesty on my outfits, and then help me fix it from her own closet. And whenever my cousins, Gillian and Alexis, are around, they are fantastic sounding boards. When it comes to fashion, I desperately need it. I just don't get why fashion is fashion, which is why I own mostly solid-colored pieces that undoubtedly match. Usually. But the times I have my family at my disposal are few and far between, so they will of course all move to Lichtenstein immediately.
In the meantime, it is against the law to let a fashion disaster run wild in Lichtenstein. When you see a woman wearing a tight tube top with no bra, causing her large breasts to sag and rest atop her exposed stomach hanging over too-short jean shorts (yes, I saw this on my way to work this week), it is your responsibility to go over to her and tell her not only why her outfit doesn't work, but what's needed to improve it. In this case, a good bra would have done wonders when paired with a good-fitting shirt and elongated shorts.
It's hard to take constructive criticism, but the people of Lichtenstein would be used to it, and wouldn't get angry over it. They'd take it like it's meant to be - constructive - and use it to improve their look. This way, you can take some risks and see if it meets the fashion seal of approval (because it's also encouraged to freely give people donning great outfits compliments).
Because let's be honest - letting that woman walk by me without saying a word should have been a crime.
No comments:
Post a Comment