Day 235: A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Words... On An Apparently High Pig

Yes, this is what adorns the top of my cube along with his bull, bear, and rhino friends. The sticker eyes and necklace are from leftovers when we decorated stockings at work--which actually were all filled up by a secret Santa with chocolate, gum, and holiday-scented hand sanitizer (I got gingerbread).


And the background is my computer screen. But the message is obvious.

Last week's cliche: Snug as a bug in a rug

Day 234: Stop. Focus. Click... On Pure Joy

The snow started falling soon after I arrived at work this morning. It accumulated so quickly that the HR department at my work told us commuters to go home early.

So I did and in accordance with my routine, leashed up Chloe intending to take her on a quick "pee walk."

But when I got outside again, I actually took a look around me instead of just putting my head down and clomping along with dozens of commuters after getting off the train.

It was dusk, quiet, surprisingly not cold, and beautiful.
 
Nightfall had just arrived, and drivers were steering clear of the roads with eight inches and counting on the ground already. Plus, since it was still snowing, most of it was untouched.

So on impulse, I asked Chloe if she wanted to go to the small park two blocks away. I didn't have to ask her twice.

When we arrived, we were the only people there, of course, so I unclipped her leash, yelled "come on!" and started running through the still-falling snow with her prancing right alongside me.

And then I just let her go and watched a dog off her leash as she was meant to be through the gentle flakes whirling atop the dusk and thought about just how happy I was.

 

Day 233: Remember the Time... I Didn't Have To Miss American Idol

When I was little, I thought my dad could fix anything. He just seems to know how to fix whatever broke around the house, whether it was the sink or garbage disposal, computer, car, pool filter, hole in the wall, etc., regardless of whether or not it related to his expertise as an electrician. I know everything I know about handiwork from him.

What I don't know is what I was watching my dad fix back when I was little that impressed me so much, but what I do remember is telling him, "Daddy, you can fix anything that's broken. You can even fix the clouds." 


And he told me that one day he'd fix the clouds just for me.

The only thing that I can think of that my dad's shied away from fixing is the television. Even though he's an electrician, he said he won't go near the internal workings of a TV because it has so many components and unless you have the know-how, you should just leave it to the professionals.

But my dad raised me to believe that I can do anything. Never have I ever attempted to fix a television until today.

Granted, this fix was something I figured I'd be able to do since I quickly figured out the problem (a busted lamp that needed replacing) and was able to dig out explicit directions as to where to go to obtain a new one and how to put it in, but still. I'm generally pretty proud of attempting something new and succeeding - especially when it comes to handiwork. But I still gotta give credit where credit is due.


Thanks Dad.
 

Day 232: If I Ruled Lichtenstein... We'd Cut the Red Tape

There are very few people in a person's life - if any - that you can completely be yourself around. And I mean completely. Around these special people, you can speak your mind without a filter, and just be you without fear of judging or ridicule.

To me, that means everything.

This is never something you can do at work. At work, I feel like I'm constantly on edge. I worry that I'm not saying something politically correct enough, diplomatically enough, or gentle enough.

Plus, at work, you can't just fix a problem. I had a very simple issue the other day, but couldn't just simply fix it. I had to go through the red tape of figuring out the solution to a problem, then had to take it to the department in charge of fixing the problem, get their approval, talk to the person who will actually fix it, wait until he fixes it, check to see that it's fixed, and then approve it being fixed.

Seriously. Even though I'm smart enough to just take care of the problem on my own, I have to go through all these channels before it actually gets done. It just seems so inefficient.

In Lichtenstein, corporations are going to eliminate as much red tape as possible to save time, thereby saving money.

I mean, people are hired because they seem like the best of the best for the job, right?

So let them do their jobs and let them do it efficiently.

Day 231: What Did Batman Say To Robin... About Cowabunga, Dude!

Holy cowabunga Batman!

What was Michelangelo doing standing with no one around him at a Starbucks in Lincoln Park at 7 p.m.?

I think the answer is obvious. When a good guy, like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, is surrounded by bad guys, he always does one of two things. He either fights them one at a time while the others just stand around waiting their turns, or uses one or two of them to defeat the others, i.e. kicks one into another or ducks so one of the bad guy's punches hits another bad guy.

Therefore, Michelangelo has just finished a battle, but still has his fists up and is hyper-vigilant in case any of the bad guys come back.

The fight began in this normally quiet Starbucks in Lincoln Park because a spoiled Chicago socialite ordered a skinny vanilla latte with a dollop of foam and instead got just a smidgen. She, of course, threw a ridiculous, unreasonable fit that included cursing out customers trying to calm her down and throwing the hot drink at the barista.

Enter Michelangelo ready to stand up for the little guys - those hardworking employees behind the counter. Without hesitating, he yanked that girl right out of her Jimmy Choos, tossed her on her ass on the freezing cold sidewalk, and told her she'd better not lay even one perfectly manicured finger on any of the baristas ever again.

And just to ensure their protection he's on guard - as long as the pizzas keep coming.

Day 230: Never Have I Ever... Come Up With The Best Date Night Ever

I love musicals. Brent has tolerated musicals for me in the past (although he always - without fail - asks me why the cast feels the need to sing about everything).

Brent loves The Jersey Shore. I have tolerated The Jersey Shore during its run and always - without fail - wondered aloud how many STDs the cast members have contracted over the years.

And this is how it typically is with Brent and I - one of us will tolerate something the other loves because we know the other one loves it.

However, I have had several strokes of genius recently in which I have come up with perfect solutions to problems (the cheap unlimited car wash being one of them).

So how to solve the problem of one of us liking musicals and the other liking The Jersey Shore? Simple. I bought tickets for Jersey Shore: The Musical.

Brilliant.

After eating a delicious meal of grass-fed burgers, sweet potato fries, and Wisconsin cheese fries, we headed to the show. The first hour of the 90-minute show parodied the actual show, and the last half hour or so was dedicated to what happened to the cast members after the show ended.

The first hour was stomach-achingly funny. Among the cast's major pluses: Angelina being played by a man, Snookie's fantastic acting skills, Pauly D's spot-on depiction of his character's mannerisms ("SCRAMBLED EGGS - OH YEAH!"), and The Situation showing his (makeup-enhanced) abs every two minutes.

Extra bonus points were awarded after I ran into the guy who plays The Situation on my way to the bathroom. He proceeded to hit on me in character: ("Hey, baby. You come to see a show? 'Cause the show's right here [shows abs].")

The second portion of the show paled in comparison to the humor of the first half, but had its moments.

Now if I could only apply this genius to coming up with brilliant ideas at work, I'd be on the fast track to office window status!

Day 229: Shakespeare's High School Poetry... On Being Overwhelmed

A quatrain is a stanza or poem consisting of four lines. Lines two and four must rhyme while having a similar number of syllables.

This poem is about having an impossible number of tasks on your plate at work between meetings and webinars, but knowing that somehow, someway, you have to get them done, done well, and done on time.

Rainbow

My calendar used to be black and white.

Some days my meetings and deadlines numbered none.

But now I must use a strict color-coding system

And it's tough to always get the colors done.