Day 244: Never Have I Ever... Been Told I Have A "Nickelodeon Voice"

We have different voices that we use depending on the type of situation we're in. We speak in a higher register when talking to babies. We slow our speech and dumb down our vocabulary when talking to children. We speak louder when talking to the elderly.

And even when we're not talking to children and the elderly, we talk more naturally when talking to friends and more professionally in the workplace.

I've been a receptionist and a reporter, and I know that I change the inflection of my voice when speaking to customers and sources.

But I had no idea that I had a hidden voice talent.

Never have I ever been told I had one of those voices that belongs on TV, yet my colleague has repeatedly told me I sound like the voices on Nickelodeon. She said this in front of the media editor, who asked me to record a spread and agreed that my voice in front of a microphone is totally different than the one I use to speak. Plus, she mentioned how impressed she was that I spoke so polished and it only took us one take.

I apparently sound so different that my own parents watched this video that I made for one of our new consumer products and asked me where I got the voiceover from. Well, mom and dad, I got it from you guys! See for yourselves:

Day 242: A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Words... On Ignorance Is Bliss

It doesn't look like he's being very informed, though, he is happy...

Last week's cliche: When pigs fly

Day 241: Stop. Focus. Click... On Veggie Tales

I set out the veggies that I was planning on cooking with this weekend as I was putting away the groceries, and then saw how beautiful they looked on the counter together. Hence, this picture.

 

Day 240: Remember the Time...

On one episode of Family Guy, Brian hears that Quagmire hates him, so one day he waits outside of Quagmire's house so he can strike up a conversation and smooth things over. He starts out by making small talk and then sees a battered girl standing on the doorstep of Quagmire's house.

He comments about how hot she is and how she must have been some piece of ass. Quagmire then replies that the girl is, in fact, his sister who was staying with him because her boyfriend mercilessly beats her. He then asks if Brian also wants to make fun of his deaf brother.

The boyfriend then shows up to beat Quagmire's sister again and Quagmire asks Brian if he can hear that she's being beaten up. He replies, "I'm not deaf," which Quagmire takes as a shot at his deaf brother.

Essentially, this is a case of mistaken assumptions. Brian knows that Quagmire is a complete man whore, so he tries to stroke his ego by telling him what a hot chick he scored. Unfortunately, that person turns out to be his sister. And when Brian uses a well-known cliche by dryly remarking that he's not deaf, Quagmire thinks he's insulting his handicapped brother, when Brian is just trying to make polite conversation.

Remember the time I felt this way during every single conversation with one of my friends from New York?

This guy, Matt, was on my basketball team for several seasons that stretched into several years and, like all the other members on my New York basketball team, I felt like we became really good friends. Yet every time we talked either one on one or in a group, I felt like I said something that offended him. Eventually, I came to think that he tolerated me because of all the innocent things I said that somehow turned out to be insulting.

For example, I was telling our other teammates a story about how Matt and I were talking to members of another team, and I kept referring to this other team as the "black team." I had thought that everyone knew that I was referring to their jersey color, but apparently people were giving he and I weird looks that I didn't notice, so Matt had to interrupt me and say "the black-shirted team" then looked at me like, "why are you dragging me into this seemingly racist story?"

And I could go on and on with examples, but my point is that sometimes people's personalities just don't mesh. Those who are more reserved and on the quiet side just may not get along with those who joke all the time and are a bit more boisterous. And that's OK. But I just wish he knew I never meant to offend or insult him. 'Cause I actually think he was one of the most genuinely nice guys I had the privilege to know in New York.

Day 239: If I Ruled Lichtenstein... Commercial Would Only Refer To Businesses, Not Ads

Even though it's embarrassing, I'm going to admit it: I watch 90210 (yes, the lame, second-generation version with the bone-thin actresses portraying Beverly Hills high school students who are somehow richer than Bill Gates.)

At the very beginning of the latest episode, we see the character of Austin worried about protecting his valuables.

All I have to say is, really, 90210? Really? See what I mean:

In case you couldn't hear it, or missed some of these necessary plot gems, here's what Austin said:

"I checked the windows and I'm on State Farm's website right now trying to get a quote on renters insurance," he says. [Camera pans across his laptop screen, showing State Farm's website.] ... "Check it out," he says to two of his costars, showing them the screen. "I'm actually saving money by bundling it with the policy I already have on my truck. That was easy enough. Now all I have to do is call my agent."

I already know that if I'm going to settle in and watch an hour-long show that I don't have on the DVR, I'm going to actually be watching the show for about 42 of the 60 minutes.

The rest of the time, I'm going to find something else to do so I don't have to watch too-loud ads for car insurance, carpet cleaners, and lawyers to call if I've been injured in an accident.

I don't mind the ancillary product placement, like the American Idol judges drinking out of Coca Cola glasses or the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition builders using Sears tools. It's the blatant, double-digit seconds of product placement that might as well have been a commercial that I have an issue with.

Or at least make Austin be topless while giving his State Farm spiel. That would at least be somewhat forgivable.

Day 238: What Did Batman Say To Robin... About Movie Franchise Marathons

Holy movie marathon Batman!

If you were held captive and the only form of media you could watch were between two movies, would you rather watch eight consecutive hours of Star Wars or eight consecutive hours of Lord of the Rings?

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this, but I have never seen more than one movie from either of these franchises.

A friend coerced me to sit with her and watch one of the Star Wars movies (not sure which one) in high school, and I stopped watching it after 20 minutes.


An ex-boyfriend coerced me to pay to see one of the Lord of the Rings movies (not sure which one) and I fell asleep at some point, woke up to see some big ogre guy, then dozed some more.


So regardless of which one I choose, it will be new to me.

That being said, I'm going to assume that I'm terrified that I'm being held captive, so I'd have to go with the one that's most likely to distract me and keep my mind occupied. Knowing what I know about Lord of the Rings from the short snippet of what I saw, I think it's the one with the most action and more modern cinematography, so by that reason and that reason alone, I'm going with Lord of the Rings.


If anything, it'd put me to sleep.

Day 237: Never Have I Ever... Cut Out The Negativity

I think it has to do with maturity. Back in grade school or high school, if I found out someone didn't like me or was mad at me, I'd not only make myself sick worrying about it, but I'd bend over backward being nice to him or her until I won them over.

While I unfortunately still care what people think (I'm working on improving this), I've found that I'm more selective regarding who I care about in this regard.


For example, I recently wrote on Facebook about a funny exchange I had with one of my colleagues. One of my Facebook friends commented on this exchange by saying "You're not that witty in person." I responded with, "You obviously don't know me that well."


First of all, the exchange I wrote about was virtually verbatim. So yes, I am that witty in person. Second of all, I let this comment affect me far longer than I should have, given it came from a Facebook friend who I worked with a few years ago and who I had to defend several times for his tool-like behavior.


So instead of dwelling on it, and figuring out how to win this friend over, I just decided to cut this negativity out of my life. Just like that. Never have I ever so easily and readily cut out negativity so I didn't spend time or energy on it. I unfriended this person from my "personal" Facebook account (my "real" account that I use with all of my friends) and left him on my "professional" Facebook account (the one for the public if a potential employer were to look me up). Problem solved.

I am aware that I'm a negative person, and I'm working on this. And it starts with cutting the extra negativity in my life.