Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Day 105: What Did Batman Say to Robin... About Four Eccentric Personalities All Rolled Into One

Holy identity crisis Batman!

With all of these stories about how actors research their characters for months and embody them as they're preparing for a role, I sometimes wonder why none of them seem to have any problems with identity crisis.

And this made me wonder: What would happen if Johnny Depp woke up one morning with a crazy sense of identity crisis or some type of amnesia where he thought his actual identity was that of some of the characters he's played in movies?


Johnny Depp wakes up, blinks, and rolls over to look at the alarm clock.

"Good morning and a happy unbirthday to me! I'd better hop out of bed or I'll be late for my very important date," he says.

He pads into the bathroom and starts humming a tune and muttering phrases like "oompety do" and "I've got another puzzle for you."

After teasing his locks so they stand on end, he chooses an outfit that contains every color of the rainbow and tops it off with a bright top hat.

After he finishes downing a glass of chocolate milk, he and heads to the beauty salon while thinking about just how he's going to fit in all of his bored housewife clients. On his way, he sees a hedge that's in desperate need of trimming and feels the urge to snip it in the shape of a circus bear balancing atop a ball.

As he's making the last snip, he glances down at the shears he's holding and wishes they were just a little longer and he had a sparring partner to do some sword fighting. Instead, he decides to forego shaving just his chin for about three years and rarely bathe.

After a long day of eating nothing but chocolate and candy, Johnny decides it's time for bed. So he has a nighttime cup of tea with a drunk mouse because someone else decided to drink all his rum.

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